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| Top Row, Middle (The only girl). First grade me. |
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| With one of my only middle school friends |
To be honest I have never forgotten those days or how they lasted all the way through my entire career in the Franklin Community schools to the end of my junior year at Indian Creek. I see my tormentors here on Facebook; mutual friends here and there tell me that they are doing fine and I'm glad they are doing well. But there is still a part of me that will always be that scared, hurt, emotionally devastated girl who just wanted to be left alone to read her books or listen to her music or be with the few true friends she had that wouldn't turn on her at a moment's notice to be one of the 'cool kids'. I want to ask those people who encouraged me to commit suicide (daily) why they did it. What did I do to warrant being their punching bag? I was tall, awkward, smart, and painfully naive. All of those things combined to make me a social pariah for too long. Even to this day I have trouble meeting new people and I by default assume that even those I consider my friends are going to stab me in the back and that somehow, even if I don't know how, I will have deserved it. Those few friends I have held onto since the early days know how I can be when it comes to betrayal, how I always expect it and am rarely surprised when it does finally happen.
To those who made my life hell I also want to ask them if they knew what they were doing at the time. Did they know that they were systematically degrading my emotional foundations by treating me that way? Did they even care in their hearts or minds that they drove me to the brink of suicide more than once?
I am leaving this as a public post so that those who tormented me to within seconds of suicide can see that while they might have shattered me more times than I can count, they did not destroy me.
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| That's right bitches. I'm still here. |
