Pelvic Congestion Syndrome

On September 11th, 2014, I underwent laproscopic surgery to determine the causes of my debilitating pelvic pain. The doctors had already ascertained the PCOS was causing cysts to develop in and on my ovaries so that was a factor. When I went in for the surgery I was a ball of nervous fear. The doctor had stated quite clearly that I might need at least one of my ovaries removed that day. Since I still hold out hope for children one day that was a blow to the heart.

But the good news is that I still have both ovaries. They are three times the size they are supposed to be but they're still where they have been for the last almost 35 years.

The bad news is that the pain wasn't simply caused by cysts or a twisted Fallopian tube. No, it's Pelvic Congestion. Varicose veins in the pelvic area that can cause pain in every situation. The research I've done since then shows me that I have few options. A full hysterectomy is the most extreme of my choices but I just can't do that yet. I just can't. There has to be something else out there. My doctor says that no doctors in Indiana are working on this condition. There are a few in Indianapolis that are doing similar procedures but nothing that directly relates to what I've been diagnosed with. 

So, the first option of treatment is Progesterone which is a hormone replacement therapy used for women who are postmenopausal, or women who have stopped menstruating and are still in child-bearing years. To be honest, I'm terrified. But I have to do this. I have to do this for my health and for my happiness. 

I will post more as time progresses. 

Resources:

Pelvic Pain (Pelvic Congestion Syndrome)

Pelvic Congestion Syndrome: Diagnosis and Treatment

Nonsurgical Treatment for Chronic Pelvic Pain in Women

A Pound for A Pound

I am living with PCOS. Which, let's be honest here, sucks. It makes me look like I have an extra-large basketball shoved under my shirt and there's little I can do to ditch it. So, here's my plan. Because even the best in the business need a plan.

I'm going to issue the Pound for Pound challenge. Yeah, it's British and I stole it. So typically American of me. ;)

The goal is for friends/family/complete strangers with disposable income/etc to pledge to donate 1GBP to me for every 1lb I lose. While it is a tempting offer to say that I'll take all the money you are willing to throw at me, I'll add that I want to have the weight stay off for a minimum of a month before you have to pony up any cash. (Barring things like pregnancy weight or other conditions that realistically cannot be controlled.)

Start date: Monday, August 25, 2014.

I am setting the first contribution marker at December 1, 2014. Which means that any weight I have lost - and KEPT OFF - by November 1, 2014 will be counted. The second marker will be August 1, 2015. And, I hope, there will be one final marker on February 1, 2016.

I'm not losing weight because I want to be skinny. I'm losing weight because I want to be healthier for myself and for those I love. And maybe because I'm tired of the only things that fit me at the clothing stores in the mall being earrings...and my ears aren't pierced.

Here's a link to the donation page if you're down for a challenge or just want to let me know you were here.

I'm Angry

Posted on as my Facebook status on June 25, 2014:


I’m overweight. Obese. Morbidly obese if you want to get technical. And there’s a reason that I am. Well, several reasons. The main reason is that I don’t take care of myself. I don’t eat foods that are good for me, I don’t eat regularly unless I’m reminded, I don’t exercise enough (or much at all on any consistent basis), and I have a general sense of ‘eh’ about it on the surface. There is a core reason for this. And for why I’m posting this on Facebook for you all to critique and see.

I’m angry. I’m angry that I was unable to have what I had planned for, budgeted for, begged the gods for...children of my own. For many reasons, many outside of my control, I was never able to have children. My health was a factor, true, but it was always something that I was told could be overcome with weight loss and medication therapy. But my (now ex) husband wasn’t ready to have kids so I put off the weight loss. I did try some of the medications but they made me sick so he asked me to stop taking them. So I did.

He and I are now divorced and I have been told by doctors that I’m pretty much beyond the point of no return. My chance of successfully bearing children is in the low single digits, and that’s only if I get down to a manageable weight and nothing goes wrong. And seeing my friends, who I love dearly, holding their children in smiling family photographs makes me feel like I am somehow less of a person. I don’t judge anyone else who doesn’t have children, whether it is by choice or by chance, that’s their life. But I do judge me and I am my harshest critic.

I am angry. I am hurt. And I am done. I’ve reached the point where I am barely restraining tears at work on a regular basis, crying at home when I’m sure no one is around, and forcing myself to smile at the baby pictures when my friends show me their adorable children. I don’t want to be upset. I don’t want to be angry. I want to be able to show my friends and family that I love them and their children as much as I can, but I just can’t.

I’m broken. And I don’t know how to come back from this.